VICTIM EMPATHY

 

10 EMOTIONAL IMPACT ISSUES FOR VICTIMS OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Victims may become emotionally or physically crippled. They may become totally impoverished. They may lose everyone they love as a result of a sexual crime. Nightmares, sleep disorders, sexual problems, uncontrollable anxiety, prostitution, eating disorders, lack of confidence, drug abuse, lack of self-esteem, hypochondria, alcoholism, confusion and an inability to make choices, guilt, depression, an inability to form long term relationships, and self defeating behaviours are some of the effects of sexual crimes on victims. In a good treatment program, you will learn the detailed effects of your crimes. You must also read and think about the experiences that your victim/s have gone through and are now going through as a result of your crimes.

 

1. Damaged Goods syndrome:

* Will I be normal?

* Society's responses. Difficult to see the child as a child

2. Guilt:

* Responsibility for the sexual behaviour

* Responsibility for disclosure, putting someone in prison

* Responsibility for disruption to the family

3. Fear:

* of future sexual activity/relationships; and

* of reprisals, disruptions, being found out by friends

4. Depression:

* Loss of 'real' family, of childhood, of sense of self

* Repressed anger and guilt

5. Low self esteem and poor social skills.

6. Repressed anger and hostility.

7. Inability to trust.

8. Blurred role boundaries and role confusion.

9. Pseudomaturity and failure to complete developmental tasks.

10. Failure to achieve independence and autonomy.

 

LEARNING ABOUT VICTIMS

One of the most important goals of treatment is to learn how your sexual offences have  affected the lives of your victims. First, let's look at some of the common myths about victims of sexual abuse. A myth is a belief some people have that is not true. Here are some myths and truths about sexual abuse:

Myth 1  

Children are only harmed when offenders use force to make them have sex with them.

Truth 1  

Children can suffer lots of different kinds of harm, including fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt, and rejection by others. Sometimes physical pain goes away quickly, while emotional pain can stay a long time.

Myth 2    

Children often lie by making up stories of sexual abuse.

Truth 2   

Cases of children lying about sexual abuse are rare. Research has shown, however, that most sex offenders lie about their offences and try to blame their victims.

Myth 3    

A sexual act is rape only if the person tries to fight back the entire time.

Truth 3    

A sexual act is rape anytime a person has sex with another person without his/her consent. Many victims choose not to fight back because they are afraid of being hurt or because the offender is bigger or stronger or has threatened him or her in some way.

Myth 4   

Very young children can decide for themselves about having sex.

Truth 4    

Our society has established the age of 16 as the age of consent in most states. Very young children, especially, are easy to take advantage of and don't have enough experience or knowledge to make decisions about sexual relations.

Myth 5

If a child doesn't tell about having sex, then he/she liked it.

Truth 5

Children don't tell because of fear, embarrassment, shame, wanting to protect parents, or for many other reasons. Not telling does not mean that a child "liked" the abuse, or that a peer or adult "liked" being raped, spied on, or flashed at.

Myth 6

Some people are so shy about asking for sex that they really want you to force sex on them.  

Truth 6

Nobody wants to have sex forced on them, shy or not.

Myth 7

If someone stares at my private parts while I'm exposing them, it means the person likes it.

Truth 7

Sometimes people stare because they are surprised, shocked, afraid, confused, or embarrassed. It does not mean liking it.

Myth 8

Sexually hurting someone is justified in some situations.

Truth 8

Though horror movies may show such scenes, in real life, this behaviour is never acceptable.

Myth 9

If I just look through the windows at somebody, it can't hurt them.

Truth 9

Seeing someone outside a window can be terrifying, and can cause a person to be afraid, worried, anxious, and concerned. This type of emotional violation can be a terrible experience.

Myth 10

Most sex offences are caused by the victim acting sexy around the offender.

Truth 10

Sex offences are caused only by offenders, and no one else. Sex offenders often try to place blame and responsibility on their victims.

 

FEELINGS OF VICTIMS OF ABUSE

Now that you are beginning to understand some of the myths and truths about sexual abuse, it is important that you develop some understanding of the thoughts and feelings your victims might be experiencing. Below is a list of feelings that victims of sexual and/or physical abuse commonly experience:

 

1. Suspicion, unable to trust others.

2.Afraid, unable to stand up for own opinion.

3. Blames self for everything bad that happens.

4. Feels guilty and ashamed even when there is no reason.

5. Withdraws, doesn't want to spend time with others.

6. Feels "different" from others.

7. Feels hurt by others a lot of the time.

8. Lonely, bored, and empty inside.

9. Suicidal.

10. Feels like a perfectionist, can't tolerate mistakes.

11. Constantly feels sorry for self.

12. Feels angry all the time.

13. Closes off feelings, unable to tolerate emotional pain.

14. Not caring about appearance.

15. Feels out of control of life.

16. Depressed and sad.

17. Afraid of change.

18. Feels trapped, like nobody understands.

19. Feels stupid, less capable than others.

20. Ashamed of sexual feelings.