|
|
|
|
* Child waking in the night with bad dreams asking to come into bed.
Need to Escape: Wake partner, turn on light, wait for third party to be present.
* Child stopping you in the street and asking directions.
Need to Escape: Stop someone else and move on.
* Child coming to the door looking for some paid work.
Need to Escape: Say NO.
* Child asking for assistance with dressing.
Need to Escape: You can avoid being alone with children by planning. If necessary, guide the process without touching.
* Bumping into a sex offender that you knew in prison.
Need to Escape: Be polite, move on. Don't make arrangements for further contact.
* Watching a movie that unexpectedly brings back memories or makes you sad.
Need to Escape: Turn it off. Walk out. Talk about your feelings and memories with someone you trust.
* Allowing your personal appearance to deteriorate.
Need to Avoid: Keep fit; budget for regular haircuts at the same salon.
* Feeling really bad and not telling anyone.
Need to Avoid: Have a support person you can always talk to.
* Getting drunk/doing drugs.
Need to Avoid: Plan social occasions that are not focused on drugs or alcohol. Always take your favourite non-alcoholic drink with you when you go out.
* Keeping company with other sex offenders.
Need to Avoid: Develop a social network around a hobby or sporting interest.
* Buying pornography.
Need to Avoid: Don't browse in adult shops alone.
* Planning outings with children.
Need to Avoid: Always be with a responsible adult who is aware of your situation.
* Buying gifts for children.
Need to Avoid: Make any gift giving public and related to a specific occasion or reason.
* Overworking - getting overtired.
Need to Avoid: Put some balance back in your life. Make rules about overtime and recreation.
A thought, feeling or behaviour that identifies or warns you about a High Risk Factor or leads to a High Risk Factor.
Types of Cues include:
1. Emotion (worry/anxiety/carefree)
2. Cognitive/Thinking (stinking thinking)
3. Self statements (I'm not good enough/old tapes)
4. Physical (stomach/headaches/tiredness)
5. Behavioural (poor self care/boredom)
6. Interpersonal (arguments/withdrawing/secretive)
Rules about Cues:
* Identifying cues is an on-going process
* Cues change over time - as do High Risk Factors
* Other people can recognise your cues
* Understanding cues hurts
* Concentration of cue type changes with each High Risk Factor
Triggers: Life events that have negative outcomes
* Arguments
* Loss or change of job
* Relationship break up
* Relocation
* Car accident
* Financial difficulty
* Ill health
* Any other major life trauma or crisis
Personal Do's and Don'ts for life events:
Get drunk or stoned
Make a heat-of-the-moment decision
Brood or worry constantly
Hurt anyone
Stay angry
Drive when upset
Take time out to think
Talk to someone
Express your feelings
Think about your thinking
Read your Relapse Prevention Plan/Document
Work out a plan of action
Review it with a support person
Note: These Cues, Triggers & High Risk Factors/Situations are crucial to your understanding of your offending cycle.
YOUR FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, and BEHAVIOURS PRIOR to OFFENDING
It is quite easy to spot other people's thinking errors, risky moods, and behaviors leading toward offending; it is much more difficult to spot your own. If you are serious about wanting to prevent yourself from reoffending, then you'll need to learn as much as possible about your own risky feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and about the ways in which you kid yourself that they don't matter. Start by checking off which of the following were true about you in the time leading up to your last offences. Add your own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors if yours are not already listed.
* Feelings
Feeling depressed
Feeling angry
Feeling lonely
Feeling frightened
Feeling isolated, in a bubble
Feeling powerless and overtaken by events
Feeling revengeful
Feeling happy
Feeling powerful
Feeling resentful
Feeling stressed and under pressure
* Thoughts
Thinking you were useless
Thinking other people knew you were useless
Thinking other people hated you
Thinking other people were hateful
Thinking you'd been rejected
Thinking other people were always putting you down
Thinking that only children cared for you
Thinking that you got along better with children than with adults
Thinking that it was safe to have sexual fantasies about children
Thinking that fantasy does not lead to action
Thinking that sex between children and adults is okay
Thinking that it was safe for you to be alone with children
Thinking that it would be good to test out your self-control by spending time alone with children
Thinking about children while having sex with your adult partner
Thinking that there is no therapy that can help you
Thinking that you're helpless
Thinking that things just happen to you
Thinking about sex most of the time
* Behaviours
Masturbating more frequently than usual
Masturbating to thoughts of being sexually abused as a child yourself
Masturbating to thoughts of children you've abused in the past
Masturbating to thoughts of children in general
Masturbating to thoughts of children you'd like to abuse
Masturbating more often to thoughts of particular sexual acts that your adult partner doesn't like, or acts that would be difficult to get any adult to agree to
Buying adult pornography
Buying pornography showing children in erotic poses
Buying pornography showing children being sexually abused by someone
Buying catalogues and magazines that show pictures of children
Watching children's programs on television
Reading about child sexual abuse cases
Cutting out and keeping articles about child sexual abuse
Buying/reading paedophile literature
Drinking more alcohol than usual
Abusing drugs
Taking tranquillisers and antidepressant drugs
Walking slowly past places where children get together (schools, playgrounds, parks)
Getting into conversations with children about sex education
Baby-sitting
Getting into arguments at work
Getting into arguments at home
Avoiding sex with your adult partner
Setting your adult partner up for arguments
Setting your adult partner up to refuse sex with you
Going for long walks to places where you'll be likely to bump into a child who'll be alone
Getting involved in youth work
Offering to discipline children
Playing rough-and-tumble games with children
Involving yourself in intimate physical care of children (e.g., hygiene)
Lying to your family about where you're going
Being violent or threatening toward your adult partner
Being violent or threatening toward adults in front of children
Being violent or threatening toward children you're not attracted to in the presence of those you are attracted to
Making friends with people who have children
Finding yourself in shops that sell pornography and telling yourself you went there for some other purpose
Finding yourself near schools and parks and telling yourself you were taking a shortcut or went by that route for some other good reason
Buying clothes for children
This list is intended to lessen the likelihood of your re-offending. It has been prepared so you will be able to identify times when you may be at risk of committing a further offence and it's suggested that you discuss these items with either your counsellor or a trusted relative/friend if they arise.
One or two items may not mean anything of significance, however, if there are several changes occurring then this may indicate a vulnerable time. Contact your support person/counsellor if you feel at risk of re-offending, to discuss the situation.
1. Minimising previous offences and stating over-confidence regarding the possibility of re-offending
2. Abuse of alcohol or other drugs
3. Discrediting treatment program or not attending sessions as required
4. Loss of control over eating, gambling, violent behaviour
5. Rapid religious conversion
6. Job stress - fired, retrenched, change in duties, etc
7. Change in sexual functioning - frequency, dysfunction, abuse, infidelity
8. Unresolved relationship conflicts or refusal to discuss problems
9. Retreating to childhood habits - use of language, clothing, cultivating younger friends, sudden involvement in youth programs
10. Pre-occupation with sex, pornography, offensive jokes, or staring at women or children
11. Difficulty accounting for time, increase in un-monitored time alone
12. Cruising in car with no particular destination, frequent drives alone
13. Sleep disturbances - fitful, restlessness, up at night, up very early
14. Inappropriate dress - poor hygiene, broken zips, no underwear etc, especially in company
15. Difficulty accounting for money spent - lying or becoming excessively annoyed when queried
16. Frequenting massage parlours, topless taverns/bars, prostitutes
17. Repeated "accidental" contacts with victim
18. Attempting to establish authority over potential victims
19. Changes in personality - self-centredness, dishonesty, deviousness, withdrawal, aggression, procrastination, etc
20. Physical deterioration - untidiness, ulcer, high blood pressure, indigestion, STD
21. Experiencing poor self-esteem, disappointments, setbacks
22. Insisting on going to places on your own
23. Carelessness in driving, breaking minor laws
24. Self-pity, blaming others when things go wrong, low tolerance, losing temper, etc
25. Increased promiscuity, ignoring need for safe sex, trying new types of sexual contact, etc
26. Brooding, uncommunicative, depressed mood, worried, emotional outbursts
27. Avoiding others who are knowledgeable about warning signs to offending behaviour
28. Penance behaviours - gift giving, overly nice, inappropriate deference
29. Seeking to establish contacts with friends who have children
30. Sexual conversations in front of children (i.e. sex education)
31. Any invasion of child's privacy - entering their bedroom or bathroom unchaperoned without being asked to do so
32. Isolating child victim away from mother, friends, doctors, etc
33. Critical interest in child victim's socio-sexual behaviour or unduly concerned with child's clothing, appearance, etc
34. Challenging wife's authority over children, making excuses for child
35. Attempting to intimidate child - bullying, staring, giving ultimatums, etc
36. Unnecessary contact with victim's body - massage, inspection, wrestling, medicinal
37. Increased discipline of children - harsh or erratic, or increased favouritism/spoiling
38. Leaving bedroom or bathroom door open when children present
39. Involvement in child's hygiene, bathing, grooming, massage
List any other indicators of change that you have identified as possible warning signs.
The Problem of Immediate Gratification (PIG)
& Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE)
Offender goes into child's room late at night and stands watching the sleeping child, while at the same time enjoying memories of past offence.
Offender continues to stand in room - feels very bad about what he's just done. Feels confused, maybe angry. Thinks to himself - she must have wanted me to come in because she left the door open (cognitive distortion/thinking error - this combination of negative feelings & thoughts is the AVE).
He experiences a strong sexual urge (the PIG).
* FAILS TO APPLY ACR INCLUDING IMMEDIATE (5) STEP PLAN TO CONTROL THE PIG
Offender moves towards the bed, touches the sleeping child's breasts. She wakes up and screams.
OFFENDER OPTIONS
DENY ACKNOWLEDGE
CYCLE ON ACCEPT CONSEQUENCES
CREATE MORE VICTIMS GO BACK INTO TREATMENT
BE RESPONSIBLE
Controlling the PIG
In order to control the PIG the following 5 steps are suggested:
* Recognition of the earliest signs of sexual arousal
* Identification of the trigger to that arousal
* Categorisation of the PIG
* Detachment
* Adaptive Coping
1. Recognition of the earliest signs of sexual arousal means participants are aware of the PIG when it first shows itself. Participants know the signs, whether these are physiological, emotional or behavioural, and can identify these.
2. Once recognised, participants can work out what has caused the arousal. The trigger to the arousal may be obvious or concealed, and for some sexual offenders the identification of the specific cues to arousal will be quite complicated. For example, are the cues particular situations, people, or locations?
3. Participants must learn to categorise the PIG in terms of how strong it is - i.e. is it a fully grown PIG or still a PiGlet? (intensity) How focused is it? Is it similar to previous PIGs, or has the arousal pattern changed?
4. By detaching from the PIG, participants can cognitively assess alternative actions or coping responses. Unless participants can monitor and appraise their arousal patterns with clarity and control they will feel overwhelmed and emotionally unable to resolve the problem. Nobody ever died or even got sick from an unfulfilled sexual urge. You don't have to gratify sexual urges. But it is true that many women and children have died as a result of men who have not controlled their sexual urges.
5. The final step is the application of an adaptive coping response. Some suggestions may include masturbation to appropriate fantasies, visual imagery whereby the participant imagines coping successfully with the situation - and then follows the image in behaviour or substitution, whereby the urge is substituted for another legal indulgence.
DESPERATE MEASURES
It is a sad fact, but you might commit another sexual crime. If you do, it is likely to happen when your life seems meaningless or is filled with greed. When you are in either of these states you feel desperate.
Think about it; sooner or later, you will be as desperate as you were before committing your last crime. What will you do then?
When you feel desperate you will be closer to re-offending. You must be prepared to intervene in your deviant cycle right up to the last second. Anything you can do to put time between yourself and a new crime gives you greater control over yourself. A desperate behaviour which stops you for an extra half-hour might make the difference between a life in prison and a life of freedom. You have to think rationally about your emergency escape plans before you need them. If you do not think about them now while your mind is clear, you will have a much harder time later when you are not thinking as clearly.
To be prepared for an emergency intervention, you must plan when you are calm and reasonable and your motivation is high. Even if you are working hard on yourself now, later you are likely to forget what you have learned, return to denial, and say, to hell with it all. Because of this possibility, you must learn what signs show you are close to committing an offence. Before you are ready to make an emergency escape, you must take several steps; the first step is to establish your Destruction Warning Line.
This is the last border you step over before you destroy yourself and your victim with a new offence. The DeW Line is your list of last behaviours, the deviant things you do just before you re-offend. It is true that if you decide to re-offend you will. But you don't have to. If you are really committed to not acting out, you won't. The DeW Line is a little bit of insurance against re-offending.
As you think about your DeW Line, consider what your flags/signs would be in the following areas....
Spotting a Victim. What are the signs that say to you, I have crossed the line between being in the same area as a potential victim and spotting a victim? Spotting a potential victim is easy and common. If you are a rapist, you notice women. You notice them walking alone, leaving their cars, driving, and in bars. In fact, wherever you and women are, there are potential victims. If you are a child molester, you notice children. You notice them playing, walking home from school, in groups, in parks, riding their bikes, almost everywhere.
Approaching a Potential Victim. What thoughts, feelings, and actions show that you are approaching a victim? When you are thinking clearly, you know when to say, I'm in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person. Think about what step says that you are a danger to yourself or your victim. This step may be talking to a woman in a bar, stopping a child in the street, watching a boy play video games, or even smiling at someone. You must decide what your dangerous line is.
Beginning to Set-Up a Victim. Ask yourself; at what point does my dangerous set-up behaviour start? If children are your victims, is your DeW Line when you invite them into your house? When you start photographing them? If adults are your victims, is your DeW Line when you walk near a stranger? Pick up a hitch-hiker? Isolate a woman at a bar? Decide now so you will recognise it later.
Making Decisions to Weaken Your Resistance. What kinds of things do you do to lower your resistance to a crime? Just before you commit a crime do you do something to make it easier? Do you do a lesser crime first? For example, before you rape a stranger in her home, you steal from a prostitute on the street. Do you use alcohol or drugs to help you get in the mood to do a crime? Do you watch a live sex show to make it easier to force someone to have sex? Do you practice talking to a group of children before approaching a child alone?
Elements of an Emergency Plan
What do you plan to do when you get to your DeW Line? First, decide on actions that will force you to put any amount of time between you and a re-offence. Free your mind so you can think about novel solutions and interventions. Consider what thoughts will be compelling or what behaviours will distract your attention from your crime. Even an extra moment is helpful. Second, decide what your basic backup plans will be. Think of everything you could conceivably do to stop yourself. The list below is made up of desperate measures that sex offenders have used effectively.
* A near-sighted rapist threw away his glasses while following a woman so he couldn' t see her.
* A child molester, close to acting out with his daughter, spilled hot coffee on his lap. He then had to leave the room and change.
* An exhibitionist threw his car keys down a storm drain to immobilise his escape vehicle, forcing him to postpone his deviant behaviour.
* A child molester went and sat in the police station.
* A rapist broke a window in a store and waited for the police.
* A peeper yelled HELP loudly, near a house where he was spying.
* A paedophile started cursing and scared his victim off.
Some of these examples may seem drastic or silly. But it is better to be embarrassed, picked up for breaking a window, or even hurt than it is to commit another sexual offence. Glass can be replaced, lives cannot. These examples are not solutions; they are time-catchers that give you a few moments more to work with. Once you have given yourself some time, you must use your regular interventions. Decide who you will call, where you will go, which of the regular interventions you will use.
No matter how many crimes you have committed in the past, you are still not lost. If you relapse and commit another offence, you will have a price to pay but you can still stop yourself from committing more crimes in the future. Don't give up - don't let the Abstinence Violation Effect get you. Giving up and committing a crime is always worse than holding on to your vows, no matter how painful it may be.
Destruction Warning Line (DeW Line)
The Destruction Warning Line or DeW Line is an imaginary point in the relapse process, occurring immediately prior to an offence being committed. It is crossed when an offender commits the actual sexual offence and creates or recreates a victim. It is designed to provide an offender about to offend with a final opportunity to stop.
Offenders who examine their previous offence cycles can usually identify the few seconds prior to committing an offence when they could have ceased that behaviour. The DeW Line is a final prompt of that point of no return. Some sexual offenders will draw their DeW Line at a point further in time from their offence. For these offenders loss of control occurs well before the actual offence.
The essential point is that sexual offenders may again experience the same desperation they experienced before their last offence, and must be prepared for that by planning how they will react to prevent further offending.
By considering likely alternatives now, when they are not close to offending, potential offenders can take advantage of clear thinking and develop an appropriate strategy to escape the situation. A re-covering offender plans to escape before, not after, a crime.
Some examples of the DeW Line may include:
* hearing the pleadings of a victim
* feeling a rush of adrenaline mixed with extreme arousal
* checking to see if you are being observed or watched
* not wanting to look at a victim's face - seeing them as a body, not as a person
2. Thought Stopping
a. Identify the thoughts that need stopping - highly negative deviant or dangerous thoughts that could lead to
lapse or relapse.
b. Decide that when these thoughts occur a deliberate effort will be made to stop them.
c. Action - say to yourself STOP. It is best if this is said out loud, but this is often inappropriate if in company.
d. Replace the deviant thought with an alternative positive thought and concentrate on maintaining the new thought.
Case study:
Tony was a rapist. He had flashback thoughts of having sex with his victim that he couldn't get out of his mind. They were sexually arousing even though he didn't want them to be. So he decided to use thought-stopping to try and control his thoughts. Whenever a violent thought came into his mind he said "Stop" and snapped a rubber band on his wrist. He would then say a short prayer or recite a brief affirmation; "I must respect and care for other people and not let my past violence ruin my life or other people's". After doing this consistently for several months, Tony noticed that the fantasies or deviant thoughts were not so intense and occurred less and less often. Finally they stopped occurring altogether.
3. Positive Self Talk
Self talk or how you talk to yourself, affects how you feel, what you think about yourself and how you behave.
Negative self talk makes people feel bad about themselves, worthless and resentful. It reinforces many of the cognitive
distortions or thinking errors previously discussed.
Some examples of negative self talk include:
* No-one cares for me - I'm always left out of things.
*
* People are only out for what they can get - why shouldn't I?
* I'm never going to be happy - I'm just not good enough.
* There's no point trying to be better, I'm a failure at most things.
Positive self talk must be rational and encourage individuals to persevere with their goals. It increases self esteem and
motivates appropriate behaviour.
Some examples of positive self talk:
* I can control who I am and what I do.
* This is just a temporary set back; if I keep going I will be successful.
* I handled that difficult situation well; I am capable!
* I have a lot of good characteristics and I can be a nice person.
* There are people who like me and see me as a friend.
4. Relaxation
Stressful situations often lead to sexually inappropriate behaviour, as a way of feeling good when things are not going well.
For example, masturbating to deviant thoughts, cruising in the car for prostitutes or watching pornographic videos. These
strategies are inappropriate for combatting non-sexual stress and tend to reinforce the likelihood of offending behaviour.
By recognising the signs of stress and how muscles in the body tighten up, headaches develop and concentration lapses etc.,
offenders can attend to their need for relaxation and work on appropriate ways of reducing stress.
Healthy relaxation strategies will not alleviate the cause of the stress but they will help address the symptoms of stress.
Decisions made while relaxed will usually be better decisions than those made when tense.
Please note the following:
* Relaxation will enhance the effectiveness of other Relapse Prevention adaptive coping strategies.
* Most people are prone to negative self talk when they are tired or tense.
* Relaxation should become a part of life - not a quick fix to a specific tense situation.
bravenet.com